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I'm so sorry...'s Journal
19 most recent entries

Date:2010-02-08 11:29
Mood: guilty

Dear Roscoe,

I'm sorry.
I was just leading the story in that direction and you're always broken. You were broken before you were properly made.
And I'm sorry that that... is. And I'm sorry that everything's jagged now and the fact that you won't remember this latest bit either. (although amnesia is probably a better state, at the moment?)
I'm sorry and I feel horribly guilty about everything. I know you don't want me to say anything about it, mostly because you're terribly private and it's yours and also because me saying something would make it real before it had to be.
I'm just... very terribly sorry. When I found you, you just seemed "fun!crazy" but I probed deeper, thinking that there had to be more to you and your self/personality. It made the personality more rounded and believable/ I can't say that I wouldn't do that again. And I also seem to have a penchant for extremes and horrible angst. (Remember Blue? With the PTSD?)
The darker aspect compliments the fun!crazy. The broken aspect brings it all together. The way that we worked it out- with multiple story lines... for multiple personalities, and lies you could never deny, nor twist to truth... that's the way the story--and yourself--work out.
I- ...I think we're even for your shocking me with that murder.
I'm glad that you have Ben. (He's already rushed to your side. You'll probably see him when you wake up.)
And I'm really really sorry.


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Date:2009-09-05 10:46
Subject:This journal's kind of dead, but...

To my dearest Light (of Death Note fame),

I am so, so sorry. Nothing bad's happened to you in this arc I'm writing yet, but believe me, it will. I have given you a daughter that I will take away from you. I have given you a wife who will work constantly to betray you- though I think you knew that. I have given you disciples, most of whom will turn their backs when she does. And in the end, they will all combing to be your downfall, and it will not be pretty. I know I've made you go insane once before, but that was in a different story, so I consider myself fully justified in doing it again.

Sort of.

Well, you are an egotistical, mass-murdering bastard after all.

As much love as I can muster considering the circumstances,


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Date:2008-06-18 15:10
Subject:Ten minutes of your time for my thesis?

Dear fanfic authors,

first of all I’m sorry if OT posting isn’t allowed in this community, but there’s no other way for me to do this; just delete this if it isn’t appropriate.

I’m a fanfic reader and occasional fanfic writer myself, so what did I pick for my thesis in communication sciences? Fan Fiction, of course. I designed a survey to find out more about our writing habits and media use; it takes about 10 minutes to complete.

If you could go here and fill it out, I’d be forever grateful. Of course I’ll publish some of the results at my journal in about a month or two, so you’ll know what happened with your answers.
The survey is completely anonymous; I have no way of finding out who gave which answers.

Please, please help a fellow fan out. It’s only ten minutes for you; it’s a very important part of my work for me.

This has been cross-posted like crazy, and I'm sorry for spamming you guys, I'm just a little desperate, too.

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Date:2007-12-07 18:37

This journal is kind of dead.....

But I'm sorry to myself for eating those pop tarts and pudding today. I shouldn't have eaten all that.
And I'm sorry to the mentally retarded guy who always tries to sit next to me on the bus... I know you're probably harmless, but I still don't want you to sit next to me, even when the bus is full because you used to sit next to me when it was almost empty. I'm sorry.

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Date:2007-03-20 01:54
Subject:To Zachary Foxx in "Chrysalis"

Thanks to you, dear Captain, I have embraced quite the collection of heartbroken, noble gentlemen...

And, just as I have to you, done horrible things to them.

Still, she WAS the Queen of the Crown. Mandell made one hell of a foil in that one, and while she could be horribly cheesy in the series...well, so could you (remember that Simon LeBon impression you did at the Battle of the Bands?). Fanfic in your universe scraps the cheese factor and amps up the things which made you stand out from the crop of cartoons in the 1980's - most of which were fucking brutal.

As to why I let you watch while your teammates were being tortured? Simple - everyone, including you - needed to face their Achilles Heel. Doc had to take a leadership position and face being alone - two things he hates and fears. For the same reason, Goose had to be rendered helpless and Niko had to face the dark seed of ther utopian civilization. These things had to be done. You could not defeat the fanfic rendition of your greatest foe unless you defeated your own nightmares.

As for the sequel? I've failed you there. I'm not sure that any justice can be done to the things you and the others went through, and it may be better to picture a happy, peaceful ending with Eliza.

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Date:2006-11-12 01:33
Subject:To Hif, a Kaled on Skaro

Dear Hif -

I'm so sorry that I have created you only so that you can meet a terrible fate. It will not quite be death - not quite. Part of you will live on. Most of you, really, because of certain recycling procedures and neural connections made.
But you really shaped up to be a mean, selfish, determined, interesting, egotistical son-of-a-bitch (even though you never met your parents), and I've enjoyed meeting you. I will regret killing you.

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Date:2006-08-11 03:28
Mood: sad

Dear Ravenne,

I'm so so so so sorry that I'v driven you to the point where you are contemplating suicide. It was cruel to take Anika and Thanatos away from you and make them evil and then have you have a fight with Orion and have him leave you and it's just going to get worse so sorry in advance.

hugs and kisses

your heartless creator

P.S. I did cry when you were talking to the Mind healer

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Date:2006-08-10 23:39
Mood: amused

Dear Mark,

Terribly sorry for breaking you... and then breaking you again.

But honestly, love, as cute as it is, you shouldn't be so fragile.

*giggles madly*

sadistic love,
she of the fingers and the mouse and the right-click-save-as.

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Date:2006-08-09 16:55
Mood: apologetic. really.

To the boywhore:

Sorry about the heroin. Didn't think it'd effect you that much. ...Really. In fact, really sorry about the entire scene. I'm sure it hurt quite a bit (or so says the purpley-black colour of your leg), and I guess it was wrong of me to fuck up your mind again, but plots will be plots.

Mad (whoopsies) love,

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Date:2006-06-03 03:19

Oh my.

Ciarrai, I am so, so, so sorry. It was completely my fault, not Ember's this time.  He wouldn't have without my meddling. Really, honest.

Oh dear, oh dear.

Uhm, at least we can say you're already kinda far gone by now? >>; Maybe? Your harem and whatnot?

Eh. Sorry. I tried.


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Date:2006-05-29 00:56

Crap, Emmy, I'm sorry.

Sorry that  the first time I rp you in months I put you in an AU with nobody you know and a grumpy-yet-sweet pink!catboy as your only company. I have to admit, I kind of like Jag.

Oh god, sweetheart, I'm sorry I put you back to your ultra!submissiveness, but at this point that's how you'd be anyway, right? Right? 

There's no happiness I can give you right now.

Don't get too attatched to Jag, he's not my chara and I don't know if you'll get to play with him again. XD;

Loveyou, honey. Don't get too depressed.

The Creator.

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Date:2006-05-21 16:33
Mood: pensive

Dear Roz,

Okay, listen, I know I gave you a messed up childhood. I'm sorry about your mum, and I'm sorry you had to see it. Really. I know, as if having one eye wasn't bad enough, etc. But please, stop bitching at me. You're going to get your vengeance, really. And at least you got to meet Ca...sh...

...Don't look at me like that. You know it's vital to the plot.

Really, really sorry for all the crap I put you through,
The Author

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Date:2006-05-08 17:00
Mood: guilty about not being guilty

To the gay redheaded librarian with the monkey wrench (you know who you are)-

The photographs from when Lav was twelve, the I-had-sex-with-Lavender-when-he-was-fifteen! (and I know thirteen is legal in your country, but uh...Lavender is American with American ways), and all that other stuff are making you sound like a bad, bad person. And I get that you're kind of...pissed at me and all, but can I help it if you've got a penchant for little boys?! No, I MOST CERTAINLY CANNOT-

I mean...uh...I'm sorry that I've caused you so much trouble in the past fifteen chapters. I know I shouldn't have let you kiss Lav back in chapter twenty-thirty-something. I know I shouldn't have let our- I mean, YOUR- romance novelist get so upset over the matter. I know I shouldn't have made the MSG controversy public in that nice little magazine. But look at it this way- at least Lavender's twenty now, right? ...Okaaay, that doesn't help. Oops.

Listen, honey, if it helps, I'll make your life perfectly stable for the next...five chapters, maybe? Okay? Okay.

Mad (very, very sowwy in a sadistic, unapologetic way because we know I loved EVERY MINUTE OF IT) love,

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Date:2006-05-04 13:29

My dearest Noah,

I really didn't know exactly how inconvenient that little soul-bonding error was going to be. Whether you like it or not, you really are dead, or close to it. You just got to postpone it by about three years. Now it's time to give it up and, yes, you well may die. If it's any consolation, the fact that you know you need to give it up to save other people and complete your mission means that you are the good man your wife always knew you were. If I hadn't killed her off eight years ago, she'd tell you that herself. Maybe Lin can tell you for both himself and her. He's going to be fine. I promise. I am terribly sorry about the mess. If I can swing it, I'll let you see Elle one more time, so she can forgive you herself for all the things you really don't need to be forgiven for.

Love, An

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Date:2006-05-03 21:05

I'm not entirely sure who to apologize to for this. Maybe Ciarrai, but at the point it was supposed to take place at he wouldn't care, and never would find out. But both Em and I are kind of guilty anyway, or at least Emmy will be as long as he remembers (which won't be for very long.)

So, uh, Cia. I'm sorry. He didn't mean it. He's an idiot. Don't beat him up, please. XD


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Date:2006-04-25 01:17
Subject:To all of my muses
Mood: drained

With greatest affection, I suppose:

II. At the field's end, in the corner missed by the mower,
Where the turf drops off into a grass-hidden culvert,
Haunt of the cat-bird, nesting-place of the field-mouse,
Not too far away from the ever-changing flower-dump,
Among the tin cans, tires, rusted pipes, broken machinery, --
One learned of the eternal;
And in the shrunken face of a dead rat, eaten by rain and ground-beetles
(I found in lying among the rubble of an old coal bin)
And the tom-cat, caught near the pheasant-run,
Its entrails strewn over the half-grown flowers,
Blasted to death by the night watchman.

I suffered for young birds, for young rabbits caught in the mower,
My grief was not excessive.

For to come upon warblers in early May
Was to forget time and death:
How they filled the oriole's elm, a twittering restless cloud, all one morning,
And I watched and watched till my eyes blurred from the bird shapes, --
Cape May, Blackburnian, Cerulean, --
Moving, elusive as fish, fearless,
Hanging, bunched like young fruit, bending the end branches,
Still for a moment,
Then pitching away in half-flight,
Lighter than finches,
While the wrens bickered and sang in the half-green hedgerows,
And the flicker drummed from his dead tree in the chicken-yard.

-- Or to lie naked in sand,
In the silted shallows of a slow river,
Fingering a shell,
Once I was something like this, mindless,
Or perhaps with another mind, less peculiar;
Or to sink down to the hips in a mossy quagmire;
Or, with skinny knees, to sit astride a wet log,
I'll return again,
As a snake or a raucous bird,
Or, with luck, as a lion.

I learned not to fear infinity,
The far field, the windy cliffs of forever,
The dying of time in the white light of tomorrow,
The wheel turning away from itself,
The sprawl of the wave,
The on-coming water.

-Roethke, The Far Field

There is no more left to give. And for that I am very sorry.

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Date:2006-04-20 22:17

Dear sweetheart:

::cackles:: I told you I'd find you somebody, and you didn't believe me. I'm sorry it might be who it was originally going to be, but, well, must obey the bunnies. Especially the kind that have the potential to eat me. >>; You don't want to mess with his bunnies, believe you me.

Besides, I'm bored. You're amusement. Deal with it.

Nolove, but pity anyway,
The Creator

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Date:2006-04-14 23:43

Dear Ciarrai:

Hello, honey. Sorry I kind of stole you for a coule minutes there- it was needed for plot progression, though, and plot bunnies BITE when ignored. Sorry that you left just as quickly- were you actually my character to write as, you might have been allowed to stay and enjoy. XD Sorry your brief appearance was so...crack!fic-ey. I just can't write you, sweetheart, you're not mine. I'll make it up to you with his letter when he finishes it though, yes?

Dear Isae:

All right, all right, I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't beg on your own, but please, it's so almost!canon it hurts. Deal with it. And stop bugging me when I'm trying to work. It's not appropriate to start giggling at you in the middle of class. =_=;

Dear hsa!Ashe:

Uhm, sorry. >>; That was wrong of me. I won't do it ever again, no matter how much fun it was.

I think that does it for recent apologies. I'm sure if I forgot anybody I'll be hearing from them shortly. ^^;

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Date:2006-04-06 18:44


I'm sorry. You're not dead, really. Trust me, and don't listen to him. He just wants to bug you. Uh- keep in mind that drabbles do not neccesarily portray true events, kay? >>; But it was wrong of me anywho. So sorry.

Sorry I made you such a wimp, too. x_x;

guilt and affection,
The Creator.

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